Slow Carb Diet Progress: Week 5

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Don’t be confused – there are no weeks 1 to 4 as I wasn’t sure if I should write about this, but I’ve opted to go public and therefore shame myself into continuing with this particular challenge.

For those of you who have not heard of this, I first heard about the slow carb diet from Tim Ferriss’ blog and after mulling it over for a bit and taking a long hard look in the mirror I decided to give it a try.

Now, I’m not usually the type of person to go in for dieting.  It seems to me that the whole “I’m on a diet” frame of mind is not very healthy – what happens when the diet stops? Being “on a diet” implies you are doing something you don’t really want to do –  a hardship that once the goal is reached you can discard.

Obviously this won’t work as the moment you stop dieting you’ll puff back up unless you maintain the whole thing somehow – and I think many people get themselves ina  right mess trying to keep on top of this messy bunch of impulses that contradict each other.

So what is my motivation and why am I “on a diet”?

Well, I’ve been a bit porky on and off for many years – and most crucially of all, I’ve never been skinny as an adult. Now I’m not fetishising skinniness here – but I’d noticed that when I looked at myself in the mirror and saw a chubby guy looking back at me, I was telling myself that this was how I’m built –  I’m a big guy.

So I figured that I should test this theory out – am I a big built dude by nature or have I been deluding myself? Either way the process will get me healthier so there’s no downside right?

This diet seemed interesting as the foods you can eat are to my taste – all I needed to do to align myself with it was cut out a few things (that were not very healthy anyway) and get way more veggies going in – which I’d been meaning to do for years. It was simply time to take action and hopefully go a little way towards some kind of transformation like this lady:

I’m not considering this a diet that has a goal.

It’s not something I’ll crucify myself with and then come off of…it’s a small set of improvements to various aspects of my life and they need to be permanent improvements.

I’m not being super strict or denying myself stuff – as in going hungry. I do sometimes have to deny myself some chocolate or whatever, and instead try to grab something nutritious – at least until the one day off a week that this diet affords. I don’t always manage this, and sometimes I’m just not in the mood to do the right thing.  I’m not gonna beat myself up about that!

This is just a lifestyle adjustment – despite documenting the process, I’m trying not to get too hung up on short term results.

The idea is to be fitter and healthier: the simple formula that is inescapable if you want to lose weight:  eat a better diet and exercise more.

Crucially, both diet and exercise need to be much more efficient than before -and this is where the ideas that Tim has promoted come into play. The mechanism of the diet is that you reduce the over all calorific density of what you eat – so the quantity can be the same, but the quality is better, with more protein, less carbs and tons of fibre and water.

When you see low carbs you might think of the Atkins diet. Never did that and can’t be bothered looking into it, but as far as I know this is a little different!

 The results!

Anyway the result is that so I’ve lost 6kg (13lbs) in the last 5 weeks , although that is not the whole story. The physical effect is not that clear cut.

Firstly, in the start of any diet like this, you lose water – which is probably what most of this weight was. Also,  5kg came off in the first 2 weeks and then I’ve only gone down the rest in the last 3 weeks.

However – there has been a noticeable shift from fat to muscle, way more than expected. My belly shrunk a lot (to pretty much flat!) and I dropped waist measurement from a portly 38 to a rather more sophisticated 34 – for the first time that I can remember in my adult life! And the 34s are loose – but because I’m 6ft 2 there’s no way I can get 32′s that my legs will actually fit into. Or can I? Anyone know?

Muscles have popped up on my arms, which were previously really scrawny, so that’s a welcome change – of course losing a chunk of wobbly belly is always nice too.

I’m nowhere near done though – my “healthy” weight according to NHS guidelines require me to drop another 10-12kg – although I think that may leave me very skinny, and I’d rather have a bit of muscle than be a waif, so we’ll see how that goes.

So that’s the process so far – I’m not going to be boring you with regular enthralling updates, but I will let you know if anything interesting happens – mainly for the sake of benefits to anyone who is considering losing weight. I’m happy to chat to anyone about this !

Right, I’ve got dinner to cook….see you soon!

 

My Top 5 Depression Busting Tips

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Following on from what I said in the depression podcast, I thought it might be handy for some people to has some concise depression busting tips.

 

These are the things that have been most useful to me, and that finally helped after many years (decades even) of struggling very badly with it:

 

Dave’s Top Five Tip for Dealing with Depression

 

Distraction – don’t dwell on things, avoid introspection, excessive rumination and self reflection etc. As soon as you are going over and over things in your head, take some kind of action. Go and do something other than sitting and thinking.

 

Commit to improving – make a conscious decision not to be ruled by it. Try to figure out what your triggers are, and also what the early warning signs are of slipping into a depressive state. Try to notice these moments and derail the moment with distraction.

 

Change – do things differently and you’ll get different results. Change how you do some things – take a new route to work each week, read a different news source, listen to different music…see what works for you. Changing the normal flow of your thoughts and actions may help to set new patterns that are not associated with depression.

 

Exercise yourself – this is related to change, but is more of a process than an end result. Try to keep finding ways to make your life better, healthier, more fun and more worthwhile. Be a positive force in the world – even in a small way. Increase your strength  – physical,mental and emotional. Become wiser – read more and take in more amazing things from the world.  Be generous and add value to others lives whenever possible. Stretch yourself to be the best you can be – for others.

 

Get support – find people (professional or friends) willing to help you, whose opinions and judgement you trust and confide in them, lean on them. Feel no negative emotions about needing the support.

 

 

Please share this is you think it useful, and please do comment or contact me if you like, hate or disagree with my points!

 

Thanks :)

 

EFTGP Podcast Episode 2: Getting through depression

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Dave: Hi everyone whats up, it’s Dave Graham here, and welcome to another episode of the Escape from the Grey Planet podcast – or mission as I like to call them.

 *Intro Music*

Hi there, I hope you’re doing good at the moment! This time I’ll be talking a little bit about depression – but I want to get something straight right at the top of the show  - I don’t want this recording to be a downer cause it’s such a down subject, and anyone who’s experienced knows of that kind of overwhelming that depression has…so I don’t want this recording to be a downer for anyone listening to it so please don’t be offended if I keep the tone pretty light and keep a sense of humour going.

I am in no way making light of the subject or the problems people can face, and I’m not trying to mock anything at all, that is in no way the intention,  but  being really really serious about it brings me down a bit, so I hope you are ok with me keeping the tone quite light here…right lets just do the news and then get into the main segment shall we?

 

If you have been following these podcast episodes as they are made you might have noticed the long gap from the last one – you know the one with Denise, Charisma and Amy about living with lupus.

Well, I’ve not just been idle or not getting round to it, but I got really busy with some music work – some of you will know I’m a musician and i had a big project come up and it took me a few weeks of quite intense work to get this project done, and i couldn’t really arrange interviews with people and things like that. Plus the babies as some of you hopefully heard in the last episode, have kept me busy, but I’m back and moving on with this stuff now.

So  one a month is not really where I want to be – one a week would be good, and I want to get better at interviewing people, so if you have a story you want to tell of overcoming hardship in your life, get in touch with me here – I’d love to feature your story!

If you are listening on iTunes you can click on the little website link button down at the bottom, or you can go to http://escape-from-the-grey-planet.co.uk/and find the contact page there and do it!

So now…Depression can vary wildly, it’s not like there’s one particular thing you can say about it – and, oh first of all, I’m not a doctor or anything so I can’t diagnose or give treatment advice – but I can present peoples stories and talk from my own experience. This idea of this particular podcast is to give my experience ad open the door to you guys to have your own say, and in the next episode I’d like to present some other points of view about it.

 

I’m just talking from my own experience here and I don’t want anyone to take what I say as what they should do or that they should start or stop treatment based on what I say, so you really need to go to your doctor and try to figure your problems out as best you can – and do what you need to do for you. Don’t act on anything that I’m going to say..I mean I’m going to try not to say “do this” or “don’t do that” as it is different for different people.

So, the symptoms and problems associated with depression can be very different from person to person. I don’t think there is any one course of action that can solve it for everyone -if there was someone would have found it by now. I think the “cure” or the way to live with it is the process itself of figuring out for yourself what works for you. I hope that’s clear – that’s my take on it. The way to recover from and overcome depression is to commit yourself to the process of finding a way out. I think that is the most helpful course of action you can take.  If you can commit yourself to finding a way out and try all sorts of  things until you find something that helps you, then I’m convinced that life will improve.

I think that it’s very easy to, when you are in the middle of a bout of depression…it’s very hard to muster up hope, enthusiasm and positivity, but i think those are the things that are vital to finding a way out.

 

The thing that I managed to latch on to was the idea of keeping on moving, and finding a way, even when there doesn’t seem like anything you can go for – I committed to finding a way for me.

The most important step I think you can make is to believe there is a way out, and seek it out. For some people it’s nutrition – you get people saying oh I cured my depression with B vitamins or whatever (I’m not saying you should do that of course!), but some people will say they took this particular supplement and it really helped me, or i started eating this and it really helped… for some it’s exercise or meditation or yoga – for others these things will do nothing.  For me things like meditation, yoga and pilates  do nothing for me…they don’t give me anything.

Nutrition to a certain extent…I have..I used to eat very unhealthily and eat pretty crappy stuff, but I try to be really really on it with a good diet these days. Partly just for physical health reasons but I’ve also found that a really good diet just boosts my mind so much as well.

I had to make big changes to how I lived before I got results – for me this involved changing jobs, stopping smoking, losing weight, getting more exercise… These were big changes and were not always comfortable or easy. They took a lot of effort and a long time.

It’s very hard when you’re in the midst of depression to keep that sustained effort and keep that focus that’s probably why one os the trickiest things is..I know this for myself..one of the struggles is I think “What’s the point?” – and I give up on things.

If, for example I was trying to lose weight, I would probably stick to some kind of diet and exercise regime for a week or two weeks, or a month or whatever, but at some point – even if I was getting results, and I think this is the important thing…even if it was helping – I’d still get that “What’s the point?  Why should I even bother?” thing..and sometimes just that would be enough that it would tip me. Even if it was helping me and I was looking better and feeling better in myself, i’d stiull give up.

So even when you are getting results depression can still force your hand and still make you give up even when things are getting better, and that be a real kicker, a really hard thing to get round. But like I was saying these changes – they were hard and they took a lot of effort and a long time.

I’ve since quit alcohol as well as this was a major positive step for me because I feel like it’s one of those things for people with depression that they feel that it helps.

In my personal opinion, and like I said I’m not trained to give medical advice or anything, but in terms of depression I would say that alcohol never helps. That’s my personal opinion, not a medical fact or anything!  I personally feel that alcohol never helps and it only makes things worse, but the sad thing is that it can feel like it helps in the short term.

Luckily I’d never got into drugs aside from some messing around with lighter stuff in my teens and early twenties – I never got into harder stuff or doing anything regularly, which in hindsight is pretty fortunate.

Self-medicating is a tough issue to call as I’d like to say..my gut says that it’s always an excuse, or a cover story for not facing up to the problem itself.  I’d always go by the excuse that having a drink this evening might hurt me in twenty years, but it’s keep me alive tonight – and isn’t that an acceptable trade off?

 

Nya: ATCHOOO!  ATCHOOOOO!

 

Dave:  Bless you Nya!  That’s Nya my daughter here having a little sneezing session.

Right yeah, back in the bad old days I’d reason that I shouldn’t be having a drink but if i have one tonight it’ll hurt me in the long term, but will help me cope tonight and isn’t that an acceptable trade-off?

On the surface it might be, but wasn’t this just a way to distract from the real issue? I know some of you out there now might feel like this now, or  today  or tonight – and all I can say really is that I and many other people out there know how you feel, and we know the kind of situation that you’re in…how hopeless it can feel, that desperation and worry, the feeling of being trapped and unable to be how you need to be and live how you know you should be…it’s really hard as it seems like this inescapable trap when you are in there.

Once you are out you can see the trap is very delicate – you could walk straight out of it if you knew which way to go.

For me the insidious thing about depression is that it invades your thoughts, invades your mind – and once you are into a situation where you cannot trust your own mind, things can go bad really quickly. You really need to get yourself in a position where you are controlling yourself and your thoughts and you are able to steer your own life in the direction you want it to go in. Steer your mind and control your mind in the way you want it to go.

For me depression was all about getting trapped, being stuck in a loop of these horrible thoughts that I couldn’t seem to get out of…

 

I remember talking to a friend about how depression feels and I described it as like a barren landscape – like colourless fields stretching off into the distance with no landmarks..nature without beauty..just a huge expanse of meaningless nothingness – I know I said I wouldn’t make this show a downer – heh, but that’s sadly how it feels…this big expanse of your life ahead of you, meaningless and worthless, and there is nothing there.

Anyway, this friend said he didn’t get that, he envisaged depression as walking down a busy  but non-descript street in the rain, on a grey, dull day, with traffic roaring past him.  I totally get that image…and I can feel that feeling…trudging…pointless…unrewarding…boring..endless…drudgery…even just using those kind of words , those horrible down words brings on that feeling – yikes I don’t like it, i really try to keep away from saying those things to myself..it’s a bit weird to talk about them now, as  I do try to keep away from those kinds of words, phrases and mindset…

Anyway – it’d really interesting if you wanted to do this and get involved – would be if you could leave a comment on the blog about what your image of depression is – if you agree with my bleak landscape, or the busy lonely street one…or if you have you own one, I think it would be interesting to get a comparison going and a discussion about this stuff. Go to http://escape-from-the-grey-planet.co.uk/episode2 to leave comments there.

 

Oner tricky subject that I’ll have to tackle if we are talking depression is tactics for dealing with it – I’m personally – and this is of course just my opinion as someone who is not trained in these things!- against taking tablets for it. Nothing to do with the medicine itself, but actually the process of taking  a medicine for something psychological for me, didn’t work at all…but I’m  not saying that if you’ve been prescribed tablets you shouldn’t take them. Talk to your doctor, and if they’ve prescribed you something you should take it. Don’t do what I did – it might not work out for you and could make things worse!

Right – well my problem with the pills was that when I started taking them, I found myself waiting for my thoughts to change. I was waiting to feel different, I had no idea what would happen – but i knew my brain chemistry was being changed. I found that worse as I was more even focussed on my own thoughts than I had been before!   And for me, that endless focussing on my own thoughts and the constant analysis of my own thoughts is almost a definition of depression. Once you start getting into that loop of thoughts, thinking “why am I thinking this?” or “what does it mean that I’m thinking this”  - when you get into that cycle of thinking like that is when I NOSEDIVE.

Absolutely…within minutes it can take me right down. As soon as I start thinking “Am I in control of my thinking?” and there’s even worse ones like “who is it that is really thinking this?”, you know…is there something in here apart from me causing this?

These are really unhelpful things to get stuck thinking about!

I just want to labour this point – taking tablets didn’t work for me, but it may for you…I don’t want anyone to stop taking something because of what I’m saying ok? Get the best help you can and take care of yourself as best you can.

But taking tablets for me, made me concentrate on my depression, to be honest, and wonder if I have a happier thought is that the tablet working? What happens if i stop taking it? These are really unhelpful things to get stuck in…but for me..I had to sort of undiagnose myself. Again I don’t want you to do this just because I did right, but the biggest step forward for me was not so much decided I didn’t have depression, but that I didn’t have an illness, this was just the way my mind works…

I just have a brain that is a living thing, and it has a conscious and a subconscious and probably other bits in between and it does stuff that is not authorised, sometimes  it does stuff without my permission! But the stuff it does is ok – it’s just in my head, I don’t have to pay attention to it or linger on things, I just have to commit to treating it well feeding it the right food, avoiding unbalancing it with things like pumping drugs and alcohol into it – things that can cause more chaos.

For me anyway things like that cause more chaos and what my mind really needs:

 *There is a slight detour here*

Nya: BUURP

 

Dave: Pardon you Nya, what my mind needs is healthiness and stability.

Nya: Weeeeeeee

Dave: Yes Nya, I think you prefer me when I’ve got more stable stuff going on

Nya: Weeeeee! (These are happy noises, but a bit like stop-chatting-into-that mic-and-play-with-me sounds)

Dave: You might be wondering…that’s a bit of a strange noise…Nya here is ten years old, she’s actually in some of the photos from the last podcast. Nya has cerebral palsy, she doesn’t talk but she does sing, and i think Nya’s deciding to have a little singing session just now.

Yes, Nya I know I’m sorting of ignoring you a little bit and I don’t mean to Nya, ok? I’m going to talk for a little bit longer ok Nya and then I’m going to play with you ok? Does that sound alright?

Hopefully that’s alright!

*And we’re back!”

So yeah, I was saying about trying to avoid unbalancing myself, not that this means I just think very straightforward stuff and become boring, it just means I stabilise my mind so I’m in control…you know I’m a creative person, I’m a musician so to a certain extent being rational and normal and boring is not what I am  at all!

But that’s not what happens when you stabilise your life – if you stabilise your thoughts, it just means you get back into a stable way where you can control what you are doing.

I actually really value my more irrational and chaotic side as it’s good for creativity. I don’t want to straighten myself out too much in terms of what I can think about for my creative side, but it’s also very valuable to me to be in control and to be safe for everybody, i don’t want to be having really bad ups and downs – my wife will tell you i have mood swings anyway but I have mild ones compared to before! I’d be wildly happy and then really down in the dumps. These could last minutes or ours or days…but by losing those you don’t have to trade in your creativity.

I just find that treating my mind well really stabilises me and I try not to do anything that will make problems that I have worse.

One side effect I’ve had to learn to live with is a butterfly mind – I have problems keeping my mind on one thing…which is why when I’m talking  I sometimes stop in the middle of a sentence  and have to get myself back on track!  My mind makes fanciful leaps and loves to come up with new ideas…but most of the time, being able to stick to one thing until it’s done is way more beneficial!

Distraction and action have always been great depression-busters for me. I get up, get busy and get out and about. I make my body move and it stops the mind from caving in on itself. I try to have things that I’m doing all the time.

The worst times for me, were ..well solitude is perhaps wrong but solitude within my own mind, sitting there thinking and thinking, thinking about thinking, thinking about depression and my mind…that stuff  is really unhealthy for me . That self-talk seemed to be like fuel for depression. I really try to avoid getting into periods of prolonged self reflection now.

I’ve also had to be very fastidious now about what I do and  the company I keep,because there are some really negative people around and that, when you have issues with depression can really bring you down. I find it pretty important to surround yourself with people that are more positive. I’m fastidious what I spend my time doing, I try not to do things that foster this depressive type state. I look out for the food I eat, the exercise I do and basically all factors of my life have to be purposefully pushed in the right direction or I’m susceptible to it.

That in itself also keeps me busy, which keeps me from lapsing back into the internal monologue obsession type thing.

 

So – this is the most important part of this podcast  -the call out to you. Do you agree or disagree with stuff I’ve said? Have you got your own story to tell of overcoming dperession – I want to talk to you and get you on this show.

Please do comment or get in touch and let me know what you think – check out the facebook page too!

 

Ok, well it’s a bit shorter today because it’s just me, but I was thinking with the show about maybe doing a little talk myself first and then open it up to you guys, then do a second podcast where I talk to some of you about your experiences…I think that might be an interesting way to do it!

The main message in terms of depression I suppose, if you suffer from it or are having a hard time at the moment..I think the only thing I can say that can be of benefit really..because any tips on what to do might apply to some and not others…the only thing I can say is that I really do understand how you feel. Many other people do as well. You are really not alone.

People do understand and have been there too – their situations won’t be exactly the same of course, but people do understand and they will be able to empathise in a similar way with what you’re going through. You don’t have to feel like you are trapped an alone with these kind of things. There are so many people out there who’d love to contact you and just say to you that it’s ok and you’re going to be alright.

That’s it for today, I am hopefully going to get to speak to some of you for the next show about this kind of stuff, and the next podcast will be your stories.

 

 

 

 

 

Why I Disagree With The UK Governments Welfare Reforms

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Some people might not be surprised that I feel the governments welfare reforms are misjudged, seeing as my family lives in a council house, claims benefits, and none of us currently work. 

These facts will probably  trigger an instant negative  judgement of some kind  in most people, and that’s perfectly normal, as you probably don’t know us or understand out situation – but I hope you that can give me a couple of minutes of your time to explain why.

A lot of attention is given to WHAT people get – and very little to WHY.

Here’s our “whys”:

Why do we get live in a council house?  One of our daughters is disabled and confined to a wheelchair. She can’t walk or talk. She needs 24 hour care and supervision.

The council offered us a property to live in that has certain features that she needs to be able to live with us, rather than in care.

This is a really wonderful thing, and it’s great that the council can offer it to us. If they couldn’t we would make do with whatever we could rent privately.

When she no longer needs the features of the house (or another family needs them more urgently) we will move out, to privately rented accommodation.

The house is for her, not us. It is is no doubt very valuable – but we are just passing through. We take no value from it when we go.

 

Why do we claim benefits rather than work?

I personally am fit to work, but I am also a full time carer for my wife and daughter.

Illness and disability in my family has left us in a situation where massive day-to-day unpredictability is the norm – and it’s proven impossible to hold down a job without being able to commit to any regular hours. There are not many jobs that can accommodate urgent health issues cropping up regularly if not daily.

Before this stuff happened however I worked full time and paid tax for over 15 years. The choice to stop working was forced, not voluntary.

However – we are not resigned to claiming benefits as a result of this.

Seeing as we can’t work for others, we know that our only option is to create income opportunities for ourselves.

My wife and I  are working on creating small businesses (of which this site is kind of one, sort of..ish) from home to provide an income for our family. Sadly, bootstrapping a business from nothing with no training, experience,budget, skills or support is tricky and takes time, ingenuity and patience.

But for all the things we do not have -  we’ve got those, and we will succeed.

It’s sort of ironic that the Tory party champions entrepreneurship and autonomous wealth creation  – yet I’ve never heard the govt mention anything about helping people who cannot work for others create their own businesses or wealth themselves.

 

It’s not a bad solution to certain elements of the welfare system.

We are very conscious of receiving taxpayers money – and try to minimise what we cost, whilst also building our own businesses to contribute back into society as well. Given our situation, what else can we do to help ourselves and contribute positively to our economy?

We have been hit by the benefit changes, and are evidently being punished or pushed…I wonder what for and where to?

How are we doing less than we should?

What are we doing wrong?

 

On a related note – it’s worth mentioning that more and more children with severe disabilities are surviving birth and living longer and longer. There are going to be more and more parents with kids who need 24 hour care for life. It is shameful to make these individuals and their carers feel like a burden – whose lives are grudgingly paid for by the “normal” people.

These are people who come into the world just like everyone else, and are struggling to make sense of life and find their place and purpose too.

The right thing to do is find a way to help them and their families support themselves and contribute to society in a way that is dignified, positive and sustainable. 

 

 

 

 

 

EFTGP Podcast Episode 1: Talking about Living with Lupus, with Denise, Charisma and Amy

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Hi everyone – here are the show notes for the very first episode of the new podcast (I am seriously excited!):

Dave: Hi there I’m Dave Graham and this is the Escape from the Grey planet podcast.

Thank you so much for taking the time to listen, I’m really excited to be kicking off this brand new podcast today and I really think that we’ve got such inspirational stuff coming up that when todays show finishes you’ll be wanting to start the next one straight away! And I’m working on bringing you more as soon as possible! I want to hear the next one too – after working on the material for this one, I’m really happy with how it’s come out, and I hope that you are going to enjoy it as much as I’ve enjoyed putting it together.

Today I’m going to be presenting three different stories, from three amazing women, all of whom have faced problems in their lives that I can’t begin to imagine. But their strength and courage – and their attitude towards their problems is incredibly inspiring – and to be honest has made my problems feel insignificant.

The common thread is lupus, a immune system disorder that is a strange and mysterious illness that can have a devastating effect on peoples lives. I do have to point out that none of us are doctors (I’m certainly not trained in anything!)  and we cannot give medical advice, so please see a professional if you need it.

Just before we get into the featured stories, I just want to quickly explain the concept of the website and podcasts name in case it’s got you puzzled.

When I decided I really wanted to do these shows, I wanted to have a concept that was different to anything else out there – and true to me, so I came up with this not-too-serious sci-fi theme – like an old b-movie type idea. The concept was that everyone is born on the blue planet – which is a happy place, where there is joy and laughter. But as we go through life, we travel around and some of us end up on the grey planet – a sad, lonely place where there are only negative thoughts and feelings.

Some people get stranded on the grey planet and can’t leave on their own – I’d like this podcast to be my own little rescue mission – my rocket ship that goes to the grey planet, plucks up as many stranded people as it can carry and brings them home. It’s silly I know, but I like silly and I like happy, and I’m not ashamed to be both! I’d love for this podcast to make you feel good, make you think, and if it helps someone, somewhere find the hope and inspiration they need to get through their darkest times, then my job is done. So that is what it’s all about.

If there is anyone out there who is really in their toughest times, if anything that I can present to you here gives you that strength, or makes you feel that other people  can understand what you are going through, and that other people have gone through something close to it, even if it’s not the same, but gone through something close to it, and can understand a little of you’re feeling – and that gives you the hope and courage and the inspiration to push on and keep going, not giver or lose hope – I would love for that to be the case. That is what this is all about!

You can check out the site at escape-from-the-grey-planet.co.uk – with hyphens between the words – I know I know it’s a long complicated name, but there you go! Google escape from the grey planet and it will come up!

Ok, no more chat from me, I want to hand over now to my first guest..and she is..well actually I’ll let the tape roll as I explain it a bit better at the start of the interview…ok./..

Talking to Denise about Lupus:

Dave: Ok so here we go! Today I’m going to be interviewing a very special guest, who is someone quite close to home, because I’m actually going to be interviewing Denise who happens to be my wife!   So…probably a couple of things we should make clear before we start..we’ve got some other special guests in the room while we’re recording which is three of our four daughters (Nya -10, Naima and Samira – twins of 8 months). 

Today I want to talk to Denise about a really difficult time in her life, in our lives that we had, and get her feelings and thoughts on how it was dealing with this really difficult situation and coming through the other side.

So Denise if you could introduce yourself and let the listeners know fo anything they might need to know about you!

Neicey:  Ok, my name is Niecey (Note from Dave: I forgot Denise prefers this nickname in the introduction, I guess I was thinking interview means formal!), I have four daughters, Samira, Naima, Nya and Tiana

I also have SLE lupus, I had a kidney transplant in 2009, I had a c-section and part of my intestines removed in June 2012, and i’m also being interviewed by Dave Graham, my husband!

Dave: hah yeah I think we know that!  (We were sitting in our kitchen surrounded by our kids, so passing around a microphone and talking about ourselves felt pretty weird!)

Neicey: Well, one of the  certain things I think of is one, my daughter Nya, she was born in 2003 and has cerebral palsy, she’s disabled , but she’s fun to be around with and she made me stronger, because she made  me learn about patience, and about caring and you don’t need ot be able to walk to be happy about who you are.

I had a c-section back last year in june 2012 where I gave birth to Samira and Naima who you can hear in the background chatting away

Samira: weeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Naima: woooooooo!

Neicey: and after I had the c-section I had surgery, I had part of my large intestine removed because it was glued on to my skin, and that actually explained the pain I’d been having for a couple of years and doctors couldn’t understand  why I was having all these abdomen pains. Because of that surgery it made me even more mentally stable and stronger.

Dave: Ok so do you feel that the c-section and bowel removal were the toughest thing you’ve had to go through?

Neicey: I feel that is the toughest thing I’ve had to go through especially emotionally, physically and mentally – because in my body I’d developed very high blood pressure , I felt my body went into shock after having the surgery and I was trying to help my body out of it.

But having my family and my friends supporting me is really what made me better and mentally stronger.

Dave: Can you briefly explain a little bit to the listeners what that situation was like – because there was quite a lot fo things going on, it was quite a difficult and confusing situation with a lotof things happening at the same time. If you could  just explain a little bit to the listeners about what that situation was like.

Neicey: Well in the beginning it was a bit hard because I’d just had the c-section and bowel removal and I didn’t know how to handle it at the beginning. I kept on shaking, and it was hard because I felt like I had to push myself mentally to get out of the state of mind of feeling sick, and being sick, so i could be there in the hospital for Samira and Naima. When I also saw Nya and Tiana come, i had to show that I was strong because I didn’t want them to worry about me – because if I show, if it was written on my face that I felt ill – I didn’t want to portray that to them, especially to Tiana becuase she’s a very sensitive daughter, out of all four.

So I felt I had to be strong for them, and they also had to be strong for me.

I was in the hospital for 7 days, but to fully recover after the surgery for my bowel took 6 weeks. To recover from the c-section only took 7 days because I’d done it twice before.

Dave: Ok so obviously that continued to affect you even after you’d come out of hospital. Could you explain to us a little bit about how that extended period of recovery, coming home and having two new babies to look after, how that affected you as well with he problems you were having.

Neicey: With this bowel repair – in a way I had to push it to one side and concentrate about Samira and Naima cause i knew they needed me to help them, cause they had to get changed and get fed and cared for, and the same thing applies for Tiana and Nya. In a way you have to be mentally strong and physically strong after oyu have your surgery becaus eyou can’t let illness pull you down.

It was my will to stay healthy so I could care for them and care for Davey.

Dave: Yeah I need it!

Neicey: I don’t like to think of myself being sick, like when I have a lupus problem or a kidney problem or if I have the bowel surgery problem. I feel that if I feel, or think that I’m sick, it kind of puts a block on what I want to do, and what I want to do mentally. Because if you constantly think that you’re sick the  your body will probably take longer to repair. If you think that you are ok the your body takes a quicker time to repair itself and you can go on to be there for other people.

I went in on the 21st June around 11;30 in the morning just to have a c-section and to be out (of surgery, not the hospital!) within an hour – but unfortunately because I had the bowel stuck to my skin and that was very unexpected. When they was doing it I didn’t know what was going on until after the hour and a half  then they told me “oh we had to repair your bowel because it was stuck to your skin”.

 

Dave: I’ll just add in a little bit here because I was in the room as the surgery was being done, and after the babies popped out and we said hi to them, I aksed Denise, as the babies were being taken to the ward, I asked Denise “are you ok if I go with them?” and she said yeah as it seemed like she would just be getting stitched up and then would be down on the ward in about half an hour. But when I went with the babies, about half an hour or so later to see Denise, and you weren’t outof surgery yet, came baout half an hour later and you still weren’t out of surgery, and then came back and you still weren’ t out!

I was dealing with the worry there about you as there was no one there to ask, and I didn’t know what had happened to you and why you were still in surgery when I thought you were going to be out in 20-30 minutes…

Samira: weeeeee!

Naima:  woohooo!

Dave:  and an hour and half later you’re still in there and I don’t know what’s happening. I’m dealing with that while saying hi to two new babies and knowing that you’ve only seen them , you only got to say hi to them for a second before they got whisked away.

We found out later that the surgeon had to improvise and decide to do it there and then, he couldn’t really get consent from you or anything he just had to go ahead and do it.Anyway..I just wanted to add that bit in!

Neicey: ok  Dave!

Dave: Could you say a little bit about your lupus?

Neicey:  Yes I have SLE lupus, and I’ve  been having lupus for 13 years now. The way I feel about it is that I have lupus but lupus doesn’t have me. I feel that it’s in my bloodbut it doesn’t really affect me and who I am.

And because of that I don’t have much flares of my lupus. Within the 13 years I only had two flares because I have to keep positive.  The one I have is SLE  - thee;s three types of lupus and it affects every organ in your body including your skin, brain, heart , lungs…well every organ you have.

It really affected my kidneys. Back in 2005 is when the lupus really flared up on me. A what i mean by a flare is that my muscles tend to turn against my body, or your own immune system starts to attack you body, your white blood cells attack your own body as it feels the red blood cells is not ok.

You sometimes  look swollen, you get swollen in your ankles, knees , hands, your joints swell up and also your face  tends to swell up as well.

Yes lupus can affect every bit, every organ in your body. Like how I have SLE lupus – I feel that I have the disease but the disease don’t have me. I’m sure the same applies to people who have other diseases too…arthritis, hepatitis…

You have to have that state of mind that youhave the illness but the illness don’t have you.

You need to take control of your body and not let the disease or disorder take control of who you are. 

Dave: So you don’t define yourself by an illness or a problem?

Neicey: Yes Dave that’s exactly right.

Dave: Thank you to Naima, Samira and Nya for behaving while we were recording!

Neicey: ok thanks Dave, bye!

***

Dave: Huge thank you to Denise for doing this – she’s private person and it’s a big deal to her to talk about problems like this in public so big thank yous to you!

What impresses me most about how Denise thinks is that she kind of separates her problems from herself – they are something that happens by they are not HER. She doesn’t define herself by her illness. I think this is a great outlook. Denise is the most ridiculously tough minded person I think I’ve ever met…an inspiration to me for sure.

Ok, before I get all soppy, I should probably move on to the next guest. I found Charisma on a facebook lupus group and she immediately jumped at the chance to talk about her experiences with lupus. She also started trying to get other people to take part as well and she was so enthusiastic.

She is perfectly good at explaining herself so I’ll hand it over to Charisma and let her do all the talking and i’ll speak to you on the other side – enjoy!

 

Charisma on living with lupus:

Hi my name is Charisma, I’m from Chicago, Illinois –  aged 27. i was diagnosed with lupus at age 18.

A family friend pointed out the signs of lupus which were joint pains, swelling in the joints, rashes and hair loss. So my parents rushed me to the hospital and I was officially diagnosed in novemeber of 2003. Since then has been a struggle.

Every day is hard to get through without my medications. I have been through chemotherapy, medication regimens which include plaquenil, cellcept (Note from Dave: Denise had a terrible allergic reaction to Cellcept, aka MMF) and prednisolone.

It’s been very hard dealing with lupus – you get down a lot, and the pain and agony it causes – wow …no words to explain it.  People really don’t understand.

I’ve also been diagnosed with pulmonary hypertension along with lupus, and  on top of lupus I have two other diseases. I’ve been through four different doctors, medications, hospital stays and the list goes on and on.

I have fought through every day to get where I am today – in 2009 I graduated with two degrees in accounting and business management. In 2011 I started my own business with my sister called CJ National Funding.

Also this summer I’m getting married – I’ve been knowing him for four years and I’m very excited, he’s very understanding and patient. (Note from Dave: Congratulations – send us a pic from your wedding day please!)

I try to encourage people to keep going, I try to keep a positive attitude because if you don’t you’re just going to be left behind.

 Lupus is such a painful disease, it’s a very silent disease, people really don’t understand it, so how I explain it is: it’s your own body attacking itself. It’s really nothing visible, it’s all inside so I’m so happy that David is doing this recording of people with lupus and the every day struggle and how we get over it.

Me personally, I’m a very determined person, I’ve been paralysed three times and I’m walking. I am totally blind.  I am struggling just to get through the days that come my way.

It’s very stressful – its nothing to really brag about, but I just want to get this story out there to let people with lupus know that it is possible to keep living and to accomplish your goals.

Don’t let it stop you.

There’s already people out  here trying to stop you  - prove them wrong, because they really don’t understand. I just want to let all my fellow lupies know that we are here. You’re not alone. We are all over, we’re on facebook, we’re on twitter we can even be your next door neighbour. 

Lupus is such a silent disease that we need to get our voices heard – we need to let the world know that lupus has a voice.

To the people that know someone with lupus, please patient, be understanding. We know you don’t understand it but believe me we are suffering every minute of the day.

So on that note I’m gonna end. I just wanted to share my story and some encouraging words. I hope I accomplished that and I thank you again.

***

Ok, so thank you to Charisma – I actually  didn’t know about half of the problems Charisma mentioned there when I asked her to record this for us, and I respect her acheivements and strength of mind even more now for understanding her story more. I think it’s interesting how different Denise and charisma’s views are, whilst both obviously incredibly strong  people, Charisma is more sort of proud and willing to label herself with her illness whereas Denise prefers to distance herself from that label. Of course neither is wrong – it is totally up to the individual to do what works for them and I think this is a really nice illustration of how you can go either way and be just as strong. Thank you again to Charisma and Denise for being so open and willing to share your stories to help others…

Next we are going to hear from Amy. Now her story is a bit longer, s he has recorded quite a lot here and I have not edited it at as I think it is perfectly fantastic. Now once again Amy is perfectly able to tell her own story better than I can but I just want to let you know in advance that before recording this Amy has some surgery on her throat, so her voice is not how it normally would be. So next up is Amy…

Amy’s Story:

Hi, my name is Amy Shields, and I’m telling you a little story regarding my life, and the day it turned upside down. The reasons I’m telling this story is that i’m hoping that my story can maybe help someone out there who is going through the same struggles, or something like this, or just needs to hear that there is hope, and ways to get through the darkness to the light. There is hope, and there is love and so many good things out there – and you wouldn’t think you’d be hearing me say that after all the things  I’ve been through.

I remember hearing “You have Systematic Lupus” – I remember hearing those words and feeling as if my world just crashed.

Having suffered with many debilitating diseases I found a doctor who listened to me. His diagnosis was devastating to me. I experienced severe depression when I was told what it was. As I look back on it now, I realise that the fatigue and depression were part of the disease. Once I did some research on the subject of SLE, i felt I had an autoimmune death sentence.

My two sons were approximately 3 and 4 years of age at the time. They were scared and didn’t understand why I was spending most of my time in bed sleeping and just not myself. Just crying and feeling alone, you know, I can’t explain it unless you’ve been through it.

Before my diagnosis I was a very successful career woman in the time share industry. I started when I was 17, I worked hard and studied marketing at college.  My plans were to run my own resort one day, and I was fortunate enough to move up the ranks.

I was selected out of approximately 2000 applicants to go to Hawaii to run a resort there, so I left my home and lived there for a year. However I became homesick and decided to return to the mainland.  I was financially stable, I’d never really had to worry about money. I pretty much believed in living in the moment and having fun.

I decided to take some time off from work, start a family and have children – now I have two adorable sons. After that I decided to return to Florida with an offer to work that I couldn’t refuse. I’d be able to see my old friends again in Florida and it sounded just right. I started to work and i began to notice that I seemed tired all the time and like I was always fighting a cold.

It seemed to get worse and worse instead of better. I went to so many different doctors and got so many different diagnoses. I had fibromyalgia, I had arthritis, I had the flu, asthma, bronchitis – you name it I had it.

(3;50)

Then one day I had to go to the emergency room because the pain was just unbearable.  I could barely walk, and this gentleman, an older doctor, cam looked at me, looked at my hands and said “it sounds like lupus”.

I was admitted to the hospital and I was treated for lupus.

After I was released, I still went to a few doctors who diagnosed me with other things. The more I researched lupus the more I saw my symptoms were compatible with the disease.  I finally met a doctor who didn’t see me as a number but a person.

 

Once diagnosed, all the pieces of the puzzle fitted together.  Right away I was put on a strong dose of steroids and as a side effect I started losing my hair, my teeth started breaking. Weight gain, oh my goodness,  I put on at least 150 pounds and I don’t know they say it’s the steroids but it could be the lupus I  have whats called a moon face and also the butterfly rash.

Also, lupus causes confusion and memory loss, so that might happen when I tell this story, I’m not a professional at this and you’ll hear me stop in a couple of minutes as my throat gets real dry.

I just recently (not to change the subject) had a procedure done as my throat was closing and I was having severe stomach problems. So they went in and opened up my throat, so it’s kind of hard for me to talk, but this  to me is much more important.

So as I was saying, along with the weight gain I experienced such a depression that I realised I needed help.  I was scared, I needed to get out of bed and  fight this thing.

I could not work and had to apply for social security and disability, but was denied for the first two times. I was told that autoimmune diseases did not qualify me for social security and disability.  My savings ran out and I was completely broke.

 

Now I was married at the time, but when I started getting sick I noticed my husband started to pull away and when I was finally diagnosed I know I was angry a lot at the world but he just didn’t come home or just, you know, went to his own world. My sister, who I call my  angel on Earth, her name is Michelle, she dropped everything in her life in North Carolina and without questions or without saying as word she picked up and moved in, and has been with me since. She is walking this path with me. She may not have the disease but she sure knows what it’s like, because she’s been with me every step of the way.

She couldn’t work though, because she was taking care of me she was helping with the kids. We couldn’t pay the rent since I had no income. My husband has just decided to take off. We were almost homeless. One night a dear friend, her name was Nina let us stay the night and she gave us money for a hotel after that.

My mum was with us, God bless her, but she only had a small widows pension. We moved into a hotel and I was so thankful to have a roof over my head even though the living conditions were awful. Every night helicopters flew over as drug deals were happening and a few rooms down fight would break out. I was so worried that it would effect on my boys. We lived there for six months. My immune system was so bad and I was getting sicker and sicker because the rooms were so old and tiny. I don’t think they changed the air conditioning in about 60 years!

But it was as if  God had my prayers, I found a lawyer for my case and he told me it would take 12-24 months to receive disability because it was an appeal. He told me most people who apply without a lawyers expertise get turned down because the don’t fill out the correct paperwork.

It had been maybe six months after I got the lawyer when I was lying in the hotel feeling pretty sick and I received an email form my lawyer stating that I’d won my case with disability.

They took my file to the judge and he bypassed everything. I jumped up and down and cried happy tears. I wanted to tell my sister first because she had been with me every step of the way. When I told her it was like angels singing in the room.

I was able to move out of the hotel and into a house and be able to go to a place where there was good schools for my boys and great doctors in the area there for me.

This was now on my horizon and things were starting to look up for me. Most importantly  I felt safe and blessed. I felt like life was turning around for my family, but in regards to my health there were other plans. Shortly after I had a liver biopsy and was told I have auto-immune hepatitis.

It was advanced, my doctors said, I might need a liver transplant. But he had good news. There was a new drug called Imuran and this can not only help my liver but my lupus as well.

Later I started getting sharp pains in the back of my head due to what was believed to be just a cyst. I’ve had a cyst on  my head there for 7 or 8 years. They did an MRI and said it was a cyst, and I had local doctors actually cut it open and try to squeeze –  not to make you sick – but remove it and it’s just a hard cyst.

Then I had a wonderful neurologist who decided to send me in for a biopsy. I got a call and was told that the biopsy came aback abnormal and I had to have it removed immediately.

It turned out to be cancerous – cancer was so rare that 2% of the population got it. Why couldn’t my odds be like that with the lottery?

Well, as time goes on I keep getting more auto-immune diseases. I have approximately eight. I have esonophilic colitis, I’ve just recently been told I have prednisolone induced diabetes type 2 and I have hashmoto thyroidism, the malignant tumour and now they’ve found a mass on my adrenal gland.

On a good note I get to go to a place called the Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville, it’s a very rare hospital, it’s almost like a college campus. They give you an itinerary when you check in – where you are supposed to be, who you’re gonna meet with, and some of the best doctors in town are there. So hopefully, and with the best of hope, I’m gonna be able to go there and get some help.

But what has got me through this is my family and my faith – I pray to God like there’s no tomorrow. I’ve had a difficult life, I lost my father when I was young and he was my best friend, but I always feel like he’s right there with me, holding my hand when things get tough.

 And recently I’ve..I can’t afford my medications at this time, I’m having a rough time..which I’m sure everybody,  economically , is having a hard time, so I don’t like to go out there and complain too much. My friend from high school, her name is Rhonda she put together a website called lupusfight.com which – after you’ve listened to this whole story you’ll read it on there, because she wanted to send my family and me to Disneyworld so I can have a time with my children where it was about laughter, not tears.

Happiness not sickness and we were treated like queens and kings and my boys had the best time.

During that time I got emails after emails from people I grew up with that I thought I’d never talk to again wanting to donate money to help with my vacation or for Christmas..or just the outpouring of love. It wasn’t even about the money, it about the people, the friends that came out..my friend Christy..there are so many people to name!  I was amazed, and now every day they check on me and help my sister because my sister is non stop morning till night – she’s my rock. She’s my hero.

If anyone deserves some kind of Nobel prize it’s her..because she’s with me when I’m crying at night thinking I’m going to die, or when I’m mean which really doesn’t happen I use humour a lot, as that’s what gets me through. I make jokes. I learned that from my father when he was dying, from cancer. He had a slow, painful death but he kept his humour.

I also sometimes feel like a boxer – I keep getting  knocked down and I just keep pulling myself back up. Some days it doesn’t feel like I’m going to be able to pull myself back up, but somehow, some way, I get the will..I don’t know where it comes from, I don’t know how, but I get it. It could be ba look in my sons eye, it could be a sticker he comes and sticks on my shirt or something funny that they say. Or it could be a rainbow I see out my window.

Or it could be someone funny on tv like Ellen DeGeneres who makes me laugh every single day – because to me laughter is the greatest medicine. I hope to all of you who are going through anything, that you find your humour, and you find your light that makes you happy, and you will get through what you need to get through, because you will be able to find your way.

If you want to you can go to my website – not to donate money I’m not asking that – but to sign up for my blog or to ask questions, you know I might not have all the answers but I’ll try.

All the best. Thanks.

***

I just find Amy’s story heartbreaking but also so uplifting in her attitude towards such hard times. An incredible person I’m sure you’ll agree.

I want to thank all my guests today – not just for telling their stories but for opening up and being courageous enough to put this information out there. I’ve found them utterly inspiring and I’m sure you have too. Please feel free to add your comments on the blog – and if you enjoyed the show, please leave a review and rating on itunes – I’d appreciate it massively, and it will help the show reach more people.

Once again, thank you so much for your time –  I really hope you have got something from this podcast, it’s blown me away already and I just want to pass that feeling on as best I can.

Take care and I’ll see you next time!

 

Daves Favourite Bits:

Denise saying: I have lupus but lupus doesn’t have me

Charisma saying: Know that it is possible to keep living and to accomplish your goals.

Amy saying:  Find your light that makes you happy, and you will get through what you need to get through.

 

Resources:

Lupusfight.com - support Amy, and keep up with her news.

http://www.giveforward.com/fundraiser/5z12/weddingday - Please help out Charisma and her family if you can.

Lupus Facebook Group - this is the biggest one, but there are others such as:

Lupus Uk Facebook Group - this is a closed group though so please only join if you are directly affect by lupus!

Lupus UK - the only registered UK charity supporting people with lupus

Lupus Foundation of America – the only national force dedicated to fighting lupus in the US.

 

 

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Podcast on the way…

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This site was originally conceived purely as a podcast. I liked the idea of being able to listen to real people talking about how they overcame problems in their lives…that kind of stuff interests me and really suits the podcasting format.

However – until there is some stuff on the site (starting a blog or a podcast always requires that awkward push at the start) there will be no audience, and no reason to get involved.

Necessity kind of dictates that I start with my own story and experiences to get things started.

I’ve already written one long article about giving up alcohol, which ended up not being at all dramatic. The build up to needing to quit was rather stressful, but the actual process of letting go of one unhealthy habit and acquiring a few new positive ones instead was actually enjoyable.

A good example of this is that I can’t remember when I quit – not because of a bad memory or anything, but because the time that has passed since then has been the best of my life!

 

I had a little experience already as I’d already quit smoking about seven or eight years previously (similarly to the booze, I can’t remember exactly when I quit) and there are still times when I…did you think I was going to say miss it? Or have a craving?

No I don’t miss or crave them. I was going to say that I still sometimes realise that I don’t smoke anymore and it still lifts my day.  I’m writing about the process of losing the tobacco habit too, as this was also a case of instant quitting and never going back. I hope it might inspire someone out there in interwebz land to take the jump…it is so, so worth it.

Just to complete the holy trinity, I’ve also been on a weight loss regime recently and have strangely been less successful than with the tabs and booze. I definitely want to nail the exercise thing soon though, and get into better eating habits…but there’s no rush.  At some point I’ll no doubt focus on it and get it done, but for now things are good enough that it’s not a cause for concern.

Ok, before I waffle on any further, this post was just meant to pave the way for the upcoming podcast.

I am seeking out people with stories to share of overcoming adversity in their lives.

I am happy to take text if you don’t want to talk live, but I’d love to get some skype chats recorded – feel free to use the contact form if you are interested.

There is no real limit on what aspect of your life you can talk about – as long as there was a problem which was resolved in a way that can inspire others. So please…if sharing your experiences feels like the right thing to do for you, get in touch!

 

Welcome to Escape from the Grey Planet

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Hello, and thanks for visiting.

This is a blog and podcast about overcoming adversity in life. It’s about hearing peoples remarkable stories and being inspired to do even better.

I believe that life throws us big challenges for a reason – to force us to change.

Living things have to change all the time, and being alive is to have the experience of things changing both inside and around us.

I won’t go into my story right now, but my problems started when change stopped. The main reasons for this were:

  •   A few areas of my life stalled: job, relationship and my music career. A couple of good friends moved far away too.
  •  Life got scary, and I reacted by clinging onto the comfort of routines, and distractions: tv, music, drinking.

Thing just got worse. I started to suffer with depression, anxiety, heavy smoking, mental instability, mood swings, phobias, reliance on alcohol, career failure, artistic failure, relationship failure, low self-esteem…and the rest, and they all fed on each other in a nasty cycle of misery.

(btw I’m in no way looking for sympathy, or wanting to make it seem that I’ve had it worse than anyone else, I’m just being transparent about my experiences!)

It went on for years, but I eventually found the urge to seek out change – and to work on finding solutions to my problems rather than wait for someone to rescue me.

The most important thing is that this site is not about me or my story:

I want to be able to use stories of real life experiences, mine and more importantly those of others who wish to contribute, to help people who are going through difficult times.

Knowing that every day there are countless others feeling the way I did, and worse, moves me to take action to help.

But I’m not a doctor or a psychiatrist – I’m not trained in anything!

All I can do is to present all the greatest advice I can find from people who have survived their toughest hours and come out the other side happier, wiser and stronger – then perhaps people who are their lowest may find that one story,sentence or idea that triggers the start of the process of recovery for them.

My experience tells me that it is possible to overcome almost anything – sometimes this can be slow, but it can also be like flicking a light switch. Change can come in an instant, and stay forever.

The future is not determined, and every second is a new chance to do the right thing. Every day there are thousands of opportunities for all of us to become better people. It might sound strange but I love that I can re-invent myself and change all the time – without abandoning my core values…I’m still me – I’m more true to myself now than ever before!

I’ve been very fortunate to get myself back on track, and end up with a wonderful family – but that’s not what everyone wants and I’m not about to force my values onto others. This site is about real-world examples of people overcoming their problems, presented in an open,generous, forgiving way: there will be no judging or preaching. I don’t see how that kind of thing helps anyone.

I sincerely hope that you are not finding life a sad experience – but if you are, please keep coming back here, as I care – and I will be seeking out others who care about your well-being as well. My aim is to fill this site with all the information I can gather to help people who are suffering to find a way out.